Confessions of a Bubble Girl: How to Become a Better Ally in the Fight Against Racism and Tackle Bigotry at Its Roots

Photo [Edited] by Bekah Russom and Julian Wan on Unsplash

When I first read my friend’s email - two short lines about having to “process and understand what’s going on in 2020,” I didn’t really think anything of it. 2020 already started off as a crazy year: The coronavirus pandemic was like something straight out of a movie: months of social distancing, face masks, and toilet paper shortages; working remotely (provided you weren’t unemployed) while trying to homeschool your kids, worrying about the health of your loved ones, coming face-to-face with your own mortality, your deepest fears, your hopes, your dreams … The whole world was struggling to adapt to COVID-19; no wonder my friend was thrown for a loop.

It wasn’t until the next morning when I stumbled across an article in the Harvard Business Review about meaningful actions that U.S. businesses can take against racism that it finally dawned on me: I totally screwed up. A ball of anxiety, disappointment, and shame developed in the pit of my stomach. Of course, she wasn’t talking about the stupid coronavirus! She was grieving! She, along with other Black people in this country, was mourning the deaths of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor and Ahmaud Arbery, whose cold-blooded murders have been making national headlines. Riots and protests were spreading across the country like wildfire - a rallying cry for social justice and institutional change. And I couldn’t even connect the dots. I felt like an idiot.

As a white woman who has experienced sexism, harassment, and gender discrimination; who has been stereotyped for being blonde, American, and German; and who often felt lost between two cultures, struggling to find a way to belong, I’ve always prided myself on my ability to sense people’s energies around me, to connect easily with individuals of different backgrounds, and to empathize with others regardless of their life circumstances. And I always considered it my calling to make a difference, no matter how. Yet, until that very moment, I had been completely unaware of the emotional toll these recent events would have on anyone.  I knew that racism existed but I never stopped to consider that I myself was among the very people I deemed ignorant to the realities of our world. How could I have not read between the lines and recognized my friend’s pain? How could I have been so blind to her suffering? 

It’s because I have been living in a bubble. Like many privileged white people, I have been living in complete ignorance over the state of the world because racism has never really affected me. As a white person, I don’t have to be afraid of being pulled over by the cops, held down at gunpoint and asphyxiated - just because of the color of my skin. I don’t have to worry about being shot down on the street - nevermind in my own house - because I look different. I have the luxury of living in a safe neighborhood in a wealthy town with countless restaurants, a bustling nightlife, world-renown performing arts culture, summer horse racing and tourists galore. With the exception of the homeless who walk through my neighborhood and have started to camp out in the state park, I am rarely reminded of poverty - even in the wake of the economic devastation caused by COVID-19.

My friend has not had that kind of privilege. She may be part of the upper echelons of society - she is educated with a master’s degree and has a high-level job - but that doesn’t mean she hasn’t faced her fair share of struggles as a Black woman trying to make it in a white person’s world. Her story isn’t mine to tell; and, if I did, I would never be able to do it justice. What I do know is that she faced a significant uphill battle both on a personal and on a professional level, all because of her ethnicity. And despite her many challenges, she persevered. She rose through the ranks through hard work and determination, and throughout that time, she has remained strong and resilient.

You may have heard the story by David Foster Wallace about two young fish who are swimming along. They happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says, “Morning, boys. How’s the water?” The two young fish swim on for a bit, and eventually one of them looks over at the other and says, “What the hell is water?” Wallace’s parable highlights the fact that “the most obvious, important realities are often the ones that are hardest to see and talk about.” When you are in your own bubble - as fish are in and of water - it is often difficult or even impossible to recognize the realities of that bubble. Being able to “taste the water we swim in” has to do with simple awareness: awareness of your surroundings, awareness of yourself and awareness of the lens through which you see the world and judge others. 

It took me a moment to realize that I was one of the young fish in the water. When I received my friend’s email, I was stressed over the state of my finances and worried about losing my home, the health of my parents, and finding a job when 40 million other Americans were unemployed; I was anxious about being isolated by myself and sad over having to social distance from my own family; I was angry at the latest hate-inspired tweets by our President, horrified at the news about the Japanese killer hornets that were threatening our honey bees, and generally worried about Mother Nature’s revenge on the human race for polluting the world and bringing about global climate change.

So what did I do? I decided to set boundaries: I limited my daily intake of the news; I spent more time in the woods and focused my energies on gardening and home improvement projects. I started a morning routine that included hot baths, yoga, meditation, and long walks in the woods. The beauty of a privileged life. As I began to social distance, I also started to withdraw from the world, and my bubble became smaller and smaller.

Let’s face it: We’ve always had a tendency to be in our own little worlds. Who can blame us? There’s only so much sadness, drama, and tragedy a person can handle and, when given the option, withdrawing from technology, social media, and the news for a limited time is a healthy choice. But that withdrawal becomes dangerous when it leads to complacency. Because complacency is easy. Complacency is comfortable. And it creates ignorance and carelessness - the very root of racism we are trying to combat.

So here’s what we, the privileged majority, can and should do to support the fight against racism:

1. Let’s step out of our bubble. Pretending that racism doesn’t exist doesn’t do anyone any good. Yes, we all know the saying: ignorance is bliss. But it’s only bliss for a little while. Sooner or later it catches up to you, and trying to cure an illness is more challenging when diagnosed too late. We need to care enough about what is happening in the world, and the role we play in it. We, as a people, are only as strong as our weakest link. When one of us suffers, all of us suffer. But in unity there is strength, and with strength comes the opportunity to make a difference.

2. We need to listen more and speak less. And that means being present, attentive, and curious, with eyes and ears wide open. Yes, set healthy boundaries when needed and respect social distancing physically, but don’t isolate yourself mentally, spiritually and emotionally. We may never fully understand what those who feel the burden of racism are going through - or what anyone else is going through, for that matter. But what we can do is lend an ear and listen with an open heart and an open mind, reflectively and intuitively.

3. Kindness, patience, and compassion are key. When I was angry with myself for having my head in the clouds, my friend was kind and forgiving - a testament to the power of love. She chose the high road when it would have been easier to do just the opposite. But change - just like any courageous conversation about racism - has to be grounded in love. Once it is ignited, it spreads like wildfire, lighting up the darkest corners of the world. And that’s when the true magic begins.

4. We must lean into discomfort and educate ourselves. Understanding a country’s history of racism - borne by years of colonialism and slavery - and the role that our ancestors played in it, is not easy. In fact, rarely is the truth comfortable or pretty. Before we can make a difference, however, we must understand the roots of the problem. A good way to do so is to read literature and consume media about systemic racism - preferably curated by those who are most directly affected.

5. We must take action. As Oprah so eloquently stated, “It’s not enough to just say ‘it’s so terrible.’ We can’t tolerate hate crimes perpetrated by authorities in this country. We need to speak up and say ‘That will not happen on my watch.’” We must do the work required to dismantle the constructs of injustice - starting with our own personal commitment to stand up for Truth. Taking action doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be on the front lines of a protest or donate your entire life’s fortune to a charity. Figure out what feels authentic to you and what you know you can commit to; then take action, but do so in both words and behavior.

6. We must leverage our power. If you are a business or community leader, the very first thing you can and should do is speak up: say something. Acknowledge the horrible crimes that have been perpetrated against Blacks and tell your employees how you really feel. Beware of messaging that sounds like a diversity agenda; make sure that whatever you say comes from the heart and is authentic. Implement new HR policies, such as special bereavement leave, that support your Black employees. Create a culture of inclusion that makes people of color truly feel like they are heard and they belong. Reflect on your own privilege and the power of your corporation or community to affect real change. Use the leverage you have in Washington, DC, and at the state level to lobby for justice reform. Establish new requirements for customers and vendors to ensure they abide by your Code of Conduct and support you as an ally in the fight against racism.

How do we ensure this fight doesn’t become the next charitable cause du jour? The only way to create meaningful, lasting change, is … well ... to care. Granted, it’s hard to teach someone empathy and compassion unless they already have a heart. But we can continue to educate our friends, our families, our neighbors, and our colleagues about the dangers of unconscious bias and microaggression; we can teach them about different cultures; we can make them aware of the impacts of racism - and we can make them aware of the benefits and beauty of our multicultural society.

Getting out of our bubbles requires exposure to different cultures, languages, perspectives, and ways of life. It requires an open and curious mind and a thirst for knowledge, a desire to expand our horizons beyond the comfort of our homes. The best way to accomplish both is to get educated and to travel - two luxuries that are currently only afforded to those who have the time and resources. In the age of COVID-19, opportunities for education and travel are further complicated due to social distancing requirements and travel restrictions; however, innovations in augmented and virtual reality are already enabling interactive, virtual museum visits and trips to foreign countries as well as the moon.

Strengthening diversity in the school system and enabling equitable access to education for all is the first step in combating racism. According to the Global Partnership for Education, “[education] is a powerful agent of change. [It] improves health and livelihoods, contributes to social stability and drives long-term economic growth. [...] Giving all children around the world a quality education can help reduce poverty, promote peace, and foster development.” As low-income and minority families rise out of poverty, our communities will become more racially diverse, resulting in greater racial integration at work and in school. The benefit? As studies have shown, increased exposure to people of different cultures results in more positive experiences, including valuable cross-race and cross-cultural relationships, reduced racial prejudices, greater social cohesion and tolerance, and more. What better way to combat racism than by tackling ignorance and bigotry at their roots?

While educational and justice reform must go hand in hand, and both have challenging roads ahead, we must not lose sight of our common goal. As Dr. Martin Luther King once said, “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” It is our duty to honor his legacy and to strive for constant improvement. We have the power, and the responsibility, to change the system, to lift up those who have been disadvantaged, and to amplify their voices to create a more just and equitable world. To do so, we must be kind and compassionate, open and honest; we must educate ourselves of our shared history, of our cultures, and of our struggles; we must lean into uncomfortable conversations; and we must leverage our power and our relationships to affect tangible change. The time is now to take a stand.